33 Days until Departure

I don’t feel particularly inspired to write today, but I will take this opportunity to try and write through it. See what comes out. Maybe something!

Within the last couple of days, Alicia and I have finally been receiving emails about our jobs in Thailand and the incredible amount of shit that we have to do before we go. It’s a lot… I get it why people just stay where they are put. It may not be exciting or particularly interesting, but holy shit, you don’t have to do anything!!!!!!!!!!! I love not doing anything. If I was an appliance created by some company that wanted to produce pieces of shit appliances my settings would be “off” and “don’t bother.”

So if you are wanting to travel to Thailand to work here are some of the things I had to do:

THINGS I HAVE TO DO FOR THAILAND BECAUSE I JUST FUCKING HAVE TO:

1. Figure out what visa you need. So there is more than one…just so you know. Alicia and I need Non-Immigrant Visas (B) There is the letter “B” because there are a million Non-Immigrant visas out there, including: working, marrying, farting, standing on a corner facing the westward sun, etc. 
2. Once you figure out your visa, the company you are with will send a million papers for you to send to the embassy/consulate. They will be in the country’s language. In this case, Thai. This is where knowing Thai comes in handy. As it is…I have no idea what these papers are. Hope they are right! 
3. You have to fill out an application to apply for a visa. 
4. Oh, want to teach in Thailand? Sure! Just get a copy of your degree from your university. You just graduated, but it is going to take the school approx. 3 weeks to give that to you. Your own $40,000 degree. EVEN THOUGH YOU LEAVE IN 4 WEEKS!
5. Perfect. Think about how perfect all of this shit is. So great. So quick and easy to do.
6. Request that degree. Wait a while for it. Then you have to get it notarized. Then you have to get it authenticated. Then you have to send it to the Thai embassy so that they believe that you graduated.
7. Think about how ALL THE OTHER ASSHOLES WHO CAME BEFORE YOU FUCKED YOU OVER BECAUSE THEY FAKED A UNIVERSITY DEGREE AND NOW YOU HAVE TO DO EXTRA STEPS BECAUSE OF IT.
8. Realize having a university degree really means nothing because these people still got the job and were fine. 
9. To expedite the process, go into the consulate and have them process your visa within 24 hours instead of the 10 working days (which is a fucking horrible, sneaky way of companies making 3 weeks sound soooooooo much better). 
10. Hope to whoever that you get approved. Because you legit might not. And if not, please re-apply but for Tourist Visa and then get that changed once you are in the country to a Non-Immigrant Visa. Which speaks to how bullshit this whole process is. It is literally the diplomatic version of going from one parent to the next asking for the same thing that one denied and not telling the other that you were denied.

The thing that is mostly chapping my ass is that all of this shit takes about 3-4 weeks to do and I am leaving in 4 weeks. All I can picture is some horrible relay race as I am walking on the plane and the Government of Canada (yep, the whole government came out for this) is tossing me the visa and my passport to get into another country. I get it, you can’t do it too early, but doing it late is also not an option. You have this tiny, tiny, tiny window to do everything and have it all work out perfectly. 

In your passport they put in your visa. So you have to get 2 new passport photos, my favourite kind. I never look like I’m tired, disgusting or fat as fuck. It truly shows my best features. I would include my photos here but I don’t want to fuck anything up and have my passport photos on the web. So I did a reenactment: 

A) This is how I think I am taking my passport photo: gross, but still not bad. 

 Unfiltered, grainy, but passable. Like a shitty vodka. 

B) How it actually turns out. I think I’m smiling with my eyes, not looking terrible. 

Honestly, this is not fair from what I actually looked like in my photos. 

I do have to remind myself this isn’t just a hop over to Thailand to teach children and have fun doing it. I am actually applying for a job. A teaching job and it’s no small feat.

But still, my setting is stuck between “off” and “don’t bother” and I don’t see it getting an update anytime soon. 

Picture of Bell Island, Newfoundland.