YYZ
It is amazing to say that my journey starts here. In this very spot. In that moment (which is gone now). It has now been over a week since I left YYZ (for you noobs who don’t travel, that is Toronto airport *scoff* …also I may have used that “joke” already. What do you want for free?) It’s been a week since I left my mother at the front entrance of customs crying her eyes out. I have only seen my mother cry a couple times in my life. She is a strong woman. It scared me. She held it together the entire time. All the way from Cambridge, ON where we live to the airport and through baggage and making sure I got through customs. She hugged me and started cry and said she loved me. I hate crying. Anyone who knows me, knows that. But I started to cry to and I could barely get out I love you without sounding like I was 12 years old again when my balls were dropping and my voice box was doing the wild puberty ride of not knowing what octave to stay in. It was tough. I forget that for me coming to Thailand has been a dream I have had for a year now. (Wow! A whole fucking year! What a commitment!) But to us millennials, it’s something.
I arrived at YYZ (remember where that is, kiddies?) around 6am for my 9:55am flight to DTW (Detroit, duh). It was from Detroit that I was to take the long haul to ICN (Incheon-Seoul, South Korea) and then one last flight to BKK (Bangkok). Suffice to say, I was going to be in for a ride. All said and told, it was estimated at about 24 hours travelling time and that included my “lay-overs.” Arriving that early to the airport allowed me to zip through US customs with no hassle and no line up. It was incredibly and sort of pissed me off because I definitely could have slept another hour or so. Brush up on that much needed beauty rest I hear people talking about so much!
I am already to fly! Yes folks! I am looking hella cute with my big, baggy assed gym shorts on (that never actually make it to the gym) and a t-shirt. When your fat, you got to be comfy! I am not hauling 24 hour travel in jeans and a nice outfit. I don’t need to impress. Once I get through customs, I decide to treat myself to some breakfast. The place I wanted to get food at was not open yet so I settled for the restaurant next door that offered coffee and a croissant with egg and cheese. The egg was the closest thing to rubber that I have eaten. I then went across the hall to get a neck pillow and blanket (it was $20 for the pillow or $30 for the combo and I felt like treating myself after the rubber egg, so I got the combo). I still had a lot of time until the gate opened up so I went back to the food area and the restaurant that I wanted was open so I thought I’d get second breakfast! A breakfast burrito! How the fuck can you pass that up?!
Burrito in hand (which you can kind of see in the picture above in its lavish foil wrapping) and neck pillow in tow, I bumble to the gate where I am to catch my first flight, which is with Delta Airlines. I won’t bore you with the details that are simply just me sitting at the gate waiting for my flight for a couple of hours. It is getting close to boarding and all of a sudden I get a message saying that my flight has been delayed for 2 hours!!! WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!! Bullshit. On the app, it was suggesting other flights to take because currently I was not able to catch my connecting flight to South Korea which runs once a day. Fuck me. I didn’t know what to do. Do I just wait until later and fly to a different airport in America to catch another flight to South Korea to blah blah blah blah. So, I waited. And waited. I received about 4 text messages from the airline saying it was going to be 2 hours, then 1 hour, then 2.5 hours, then 1.5 hours. I decided to stick with this flight and hope to hell that I got my connecting flight.
The next 2 hours were the worst. I tried to play it cool, but inside I was screaming. I was about ready to bum rush the gate and run on the tarmac, flagging down any goddamn plane and order them to drive me to Detroit to get my flight. If I am lucky, and the pilot is cute and into maybe he will take me farther 😉 I digress. Finally the flight arrived and we got on.
For plus-sized travellers: Delta Airlines Bombardier CRJ-900 (CR9) is a regional flight. It has two seats on each side of the plane. Incredibly small. The seat belts will fit a men’s 44 waist nicely. The chairs are small, but you can get in. THE MORE YOU KNOW.
I was white knuckling the entire ride. Screaming in my head for the plane to go faster as I watched the map on the screen. I don’t have any gifts as far as telekinesis, but that day, OH BOY, I was trying just in case. We land and I have approximately 30 minutes to get off of the plane and go down 20 gates to catch my next flight.
DTW
I love airports. People know this about me. This is a thing about me. I was so, so excited to go to Detroit airport and see what was up. The photo above is the only photo I got of the Detroit airport and it was me RUNNING for my fucking life as I tried to get to my gate 20 gates away from where I departed the stop YYZ airplane! I barely made. I was one of the last people on, but folks, I made it. I was so filled with joy. I know for a fact that winning a gold medal at the Olympics would not even come close to the joy that I felt that day catching my connecting flight to South Korea. It meant not having to spend an extra day somewhere waiting for a plane. Ugh. THE RUSH OF JOY!!!! I’ve had sex before and this was better than even the best sex I’ve ever had.
I did one of those things where you are so out of shape and you do any kind of activity that involves mildly making your heart work and you start to pant, but you can’t let on that your panting so you do whatever you can to look like you are breathing normally….ya know? That. I looked so cool.
Getting on the plane was amazing. I have never been on a plane was enormous!!! I still don’t even know how it stayed up in the air.
These pictures can not convey how massive this plane. Mostly because there are barely any pictures showing that. It’s just mostly my food.
For plus-size travellers: Delta Airlines flight from Detroit to ICN (Airbus A350-900), which are new to the fleet for long haul travelling are incredibly comfortable. The seat belts are about 48-50 men’s waist. I am disappointed at them because I asked the company what their seat belt sizes were and they had no information on it. I asked over the span of 2 weeks. I would have upgraded my seat to an exit aisle, but one of the stipulations is not having the use of a seat belt extender. Well, I didn’t know if I qualified or not and did not get the seat. Note: there is MORE than enough seat belt for plus-size beauties.
The food on the flight was great! 2 meals and a nice ass snack during the 13 hour flight was more than enough and it was good food too. The alcohol is free and you can have some whenever desired. I had the red wine and it was horrible. So that was all I needed to be okay with my first drink on a plane. The movie selection was kind of lacking in the new movie section, but they had about 100 different movies to select from, so that was cool as hell. Special note: I don’t know what the fuck altitude does to you, but be prepared to cry at everything you watch. I cried in both Ratatouille and Caddyshack…
The flight other than the dramatic entrance was nothing to report. It was a great flight.
ICN
If these photos look similar to my photos to Detroit where I am running through the airport to catch my flight, you should go into CSI or PI work. Because that’s exactly what fucking happened. When I got into the plane into Detroit, we were on the tarmac for over 30 minutes because the door would not seal properly and they had to fix the issue (they did, clearly). I also know that I had only an hour lay-over in South Korea. BUT due to my excitement of catching my first connection that I didn’t realize that this would fuck with me until we were about 2 hours away from South Korea. The panic was very real again. I was praying and using the newly found telekinesis from Toronto to drive this plane as fast as I could to South Korea so I could catch my flight to Bangkok. Even watching the map they provide on those TVs, it shows the speed of the plane which was a measly 900 KM/h. I was so pissed that it was going that slow. Like hurry the fuck up!! I am the only person on this plane who has somewhere to be and it’s definitely more important that where all of these other assholes had to go.
I was being dramatic to say the least.
These pictures above show my wonderful time I had in the South Korean airport as I ran all the way to Korean Customs and up to the next floor and all the way down the hall to my flight. I only had 20 minutes to get my connection. I made it.
The most surprising thing about all of this venture is that my luggage (I had to checked bags with me) kept up. They made it on to every flight and it was beyond impressive. So thank you Delta crew!!
Now I was in the flight to Bangkok and I was sweaty, tired and delirious. I had been awake for over 24 hours at this point and I still had a 5 hour flight ahead of me. I could not sleep on the plane and now I was hallucinating and philosophizing what it is to be a foreigner for the first time.
For plus-size travellers: The flight I took from ICN to BKK was Delta Airline, but actually run through their affiliate Korean Airlines. It was a Boeing 777-300ER V2. The seats were just fitting and the seat belt just fit me. So the seat belts were about a 42 men’s waist. It was crammed in economy, so if you can spare the money, I would do a better class for sure. Especially if you are tired and don’t want your fat to sag on to other passengers.
Other than being sweaty and disgusting beside this older Korean couple, it was okay. I did fall asleep against my window and made some ungodly sounds because my airways may have closed shut a couple of times, waking myself up. It wasn’t my favourite time, but all was well.
This was my view out the window of my flight from South Korea to Bangok. It was beautiful.
BKK
I was so excited to see the world from above. It really is stunning and it’s not an opportunity that gets to happen all of the time. I was watching the air plane map again and saw that we were finally in Thailand! Looking down I saw Bangkok and snapped this picture.
This photo isn’t Bangkok. I just couldn’t tell where we were on the map. I have no idea what city this is, but it is close to Bangkok.
I got off the plane and I was thrust into this new world. I was so sleep deprived that I don’t even remember thinking anything other than “holy fuck it is hot.”
I passed through customs and got my baggage. Went out the doors and into this new world that somehow seemed familiar all at once. I got to my hotel and into bed. I slept for the better part of 16 hours.
And that’s it. That’s how I got to Thailand. It really got less dramatic at the end but I was barely alive that I still don’t remember a whole hell of a lot. I am in Chiang Mai now which is in the Northern part of Thailand where I am to spend the better part of a month here. It has been a week and there is lots to be said about that, but another time, my darlings.
For now, adieu.
My Big, Fat, Gay Trip 